Hindsight is 20/20

The saying of "hindsight is 20/20" is very well used and so very true.  I was thinking about this yesterday about all of the different choices I have made and got caught in the trap of "what if..."

I think the lessons I have learned these past couple of years have some of the biggest in my life.  I have grown as a person and learned to love and try new and different things.   I never would have done some of the stuff without my loving husband.  It is just funny to think that you can look back and see exactly what could have happened if the other choice was made.  Such as maybe you wouldn't have offended someone and your relationship with them wouldn't have suffered.

I write this post  because I keep trying to come to terms with the fact that we struggle with fertility and every time I hear how someone is expecting a new addition to their family I get bummed out all over again and   don't congratulate them and I automatically think negative thoughts.  Mostly about "Why can't I have my children two years apart like I wanted." "Why are they so lucky to have kids close together" "Lynlee is never going to have a close sibling (this one makes me really sad actually)" This fits in with this saying in that if I am genuinely excited for them will my circumstances be different.  Will I just find the peace I need to be the best mother I can to my little girl and potentially only child? Will I forget about having other children and get a surprise pregnancy?

I hate that I get stuck in the rut and I don't think Matt truly understands what I am going through.  I know there are other people out there that struggle with this and someday I will talk with them I am sure.  I just don't want to live in my mind of negativity every time I hear someone else's exciting news. I want to be able to look back and be excited for them and their life journey. I need to accept that maybe we do have a miracle baby and my life is not following the direction I wanted too.  For heaven sake I never wanted to live in a foreign country and I have and I look back and see what an amazing moment that was in my life.  My testimony grew in the gospel probably the most during that time.  I lived far away from my immediate family and I never wanted to do that and I met some amazing people because of it.

I want my hindsight to be filled with more positive and not negative thoughts.  So here is to a brighter future that will bring my little family closer together.  I am excited for the fact that we are going on our first family vacation soon and I don't have to worry about a young newborn or being really pregnant and uncomfortable.  I get to probably live more of my dream out of going on more vacations and seeing the world more because I don't have lot's kids.  I know there are different ways to look at this and the joys of lots of children,but this is how I get to look at it positively.

Sorry for this vent/whiny post, but it has been on my mind lately and I want it out of me.

I just read this blog post and it fits perfectly.
http://natashametzler.com/2014/02/17/but-why-does-she-get-babies/

Lynlee Paints

So I will admit to you all right here and now.  I can be a really lazy mom.  There I said it :)  With that out there I have waited until my child was almost 2 and a half to introduce her to painting because 1. It is a messy ordeal and 2. I have had very little patience with her me myself stage.  So one day I whipped out the paints I had bought her for Christmas.  

She was sooooo excited.  I threw on her little apron and of course I had to wear one too.  We set down and began to paint.  She LOVED it and everyday since then she likes to ask me about painting again most of the time I am able to show her the video of her painting the first time and that satisfies her need.  I am not a very creative person hence why my degree is in accounting haha.  Anyways, I have a feeling I will need overcome my dislike for mess and try to help form a healthy creative side for Miss Lynlee.

She really does love it.  She put so much concentration into trying to do it.  I hope that I can keep up with her energy of wanting to try new things. Love this girl so miuch.

February 2014

Two months have past this year all ready, oh my goodness!!  Nothing really exciting happened.

Valentines was fun.  Lynlee and I woke up to some flowers, love notes, a chocolate treat, sparkling cider and she got a sock monkey. I made dinner and gave him some Milanos. We stayed in and watched a movie and just spent time with each other.  If you ask me that is the perfect way to spend Valentines day.  We don't need something fancy just each other :) I didn't take pictures because I forgot.

I attempted to take a picture to send out, but this was her mood so I didn't send anything out.

Matt sang in church and I played the piano (really overcoming my fear of playing in front of people).  It went really well.  We chose the song weeks before and it correlated perfectly with the talks given that day.  Inspiration in choosing that song I think :) We are really liking our ward.

Lynlee and I went on some walks with our friends Liz and Lilly and Leah and Aidalyn.  We have loved our little get-together's.  We were even able to go on some walks.  We are getting really excited for Spring to come. We are hoping since March came in like a lion that it will go out like a lamb haha.

We went to the zoo on Presidents Day

On this visit Lynlee being her I want to do things myself phase she tripped and face planted it into a the fence by the elephants and we left with a bruised cheek.  She had a blast and we got to hear the tiger roar and everything. 

Mitch and Lindsey came down from Idaho.  We celebrated Miss Alex's birthday and the next day we went up to PCMR and hit the slopes.  I had a blast.  It was fun to go with Mitch, Lindsey and Bryan.  Matt had gone on a business trip so I decided that we would spend the night at my parents place.  The next day took the girls ice skating for the first time.  Lynlee loved it 

 We took a video, but those take forever to load.

We went on a date to see "Walk off the earth" with "Parachute."  It was so much fun to get out and do something fun.  We met up with Matt's sister Jenny and husband Matthew at Jason's Deli.  I would upload a video, but once again that takes forever, but they are pretty awesome. 

Lynlee started doing better with potty training, but still doesn't want poop consistently.  The pediatrician warned us that would be really hard for her to master because of her constipation days.  She is getting better though.  She is eating more than she used too.  She is getting to be really smart.  She counts to 11 and knows her letter really well.  If you show her a letter she will tell you what it is.  She LOVES reading books like most toddlers.  She LOVES taking showers not baths, but that is ok with me.  Loves playing with friends.  I can't believe I have to start thinking about joy school and preschool here really soon.  My baby girl is growing up so fast.